The Real Me – Rhonda Partain

Lately, everyone seems obsessed with social media. You can find pictures of perfect hair, perfect children, and a perfectly decorated home and perfect people smiling. I don’t want to burst anyone’s bubble but burst it I will. There is no such thing as perfect people. We like to pretend we are; maybe it’s just putting our best foot or face forward we pretend we have perfect marriages, though we argue and make up. We never admit that we’ve gone through hard times and that staying married wasn’t easy. We don’t admit we have fears of not measuring up to someone’s standards; we don’t admit fearing the loss of the ones we love. We don’t admit we don’t have the answers that sometimes after midnight we lie awake and entertain the “What IFS”. I’m sure you’ve met them. They are the unbidden thoughts and questions that seem to swirl around and around in my head after midnight. What if you can never be good enough? What if you are suddenly left all alone? What will you do then? Do you know? What if people find out you aren’t always nice, always caring, always positive? Will they still like you? I have tried to ignore the “What Ifs”. I truly have but they come knocking at the door of my mind when I’m tired and defenseless. It’s as if they know I have no reinforcements to call.

After they leave I am visited by “Then what”. If you are left alone, then what? I have finally decided to answer these questions and put an end to these unwelcome visitors. What if, I’ll manage somehow; I don’t know how exactly but I will. I refuse to worry over things that have not happened yet; I refuse to imagine a future full of problems. I shall instead imagine a good future; one where I have friends and family who realize my tendency towards anxious thoughts they can reassure me that I will never truly be all alone.  I will tell others that marriage is sometimes hard, very hard; but it is wonderful too. Learning to love truly love means forgiving and forgiving again. It means remembering the good while letting go of the bad. I know I am not the only person who doesn’t have a perfect marriage or family there is no real Barbie and Ken, no world where trouble never invades. Let’s stop playing the “I have it all together” game and help each other get through life. I may not know all the answers, but I know how to find them. I don’t have to spend the midnight hour afraid; and I won’t. The real me can cry easily, is sometimes depressed, is often anxious and yet remains positive that things will work out for good. It doesn’t rain forever; it won’t be winter all year long. There are roses and sunshine, babies, little puppies, butterflies and Pooh, I hold on to faith hope and love. Life is good.


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